dressrobes | IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

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IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

Character: Equius Zahhak
Canon: Homestuck
Mun: Phil
Plot Specific: Nope

D --> It is a truly depressing day. I have spent weeks researching and tracking the Centaurs of the Forbidden Forest. I went to great lengths to ensure that my little adventure would not result in punishment from the faculty. I braved the possibility of mortal danger, I risked life and limb, and for what?

To have my face spat upon both figuratively and literally by the very centaurs I sought. It was truly humiliating. I feel like the world's biggest fool.

I need a towel.

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D --> How lewd. They only damaged my pride.

I am in a bit of a rush. Where can I find a towel?

Wait, what? They raped you!?

.............................................. Did they at least prepare you first because from what I've seen of centaur anatomy............................... Have you been to see Madame Pomfrey???

oh my jesus shitting christ have some tact.
hes been through a lot.
you cant just descend upon him so bluntly.

But, sir, you're the one who said-

Nevermind.

D --> What?! How foolish ARE you? They did nothing of the sort! If I was physically assaulted, then I would have said so!

I am also STRONG enough to fend for myself.

No disrespect, but CENTAURS.

And 'physically assaulted' can be taken in many different ways, I was just worried!

D --> Worried and stupid. Have you any idea how deeply you have insulted me? You had better hope that a figure of authority is near when next I see you.

... You seem like the violent sort. :| It's not my fault, Professor Strider was the one who implied it!

~~Next thing you'll be trying to wrestle werewolves.~~

D --> And you were the one foolish enough to believe him. Such blind faith in the world around you is truly idiotic.

And if I am reading that crossed-out line correctly, you seem to doubt my STRENGTH.

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whoa whoa whoa hold up there.
we cant rush this.
its important.
im concerned for your physical wellbeing.

[He pastes a picture of a smuppet onto the journal.]

show me where on the smuppet they touched you.

STRIDER!
HOW IS THAT APPROPRIATE FOR THE SITUATION?

[Granted there was never a class at the retreat called "Students, Centaurs and You".]

what?!
christ on a dick what is even your problem.
im just trying to help the kid through a tough time.
he went and got himelf banged by centaurs!
hes clearly in denial.
im just worried about him ok.

YOUR CONCERN IS GOOD, VERY GOOD.
I MEAN IT.
BUT THE SMUPPET IS A BIT MUCH.

but i dont have anything else anatomically correct.
so how the smuppet is necessary.

Edited 2012-07-02 06:18 (UTC)

JUST
OKAY.
FINE. I LEAVE THIS STUDENT IN YOUR CAPABLE HANDS.
GODSPEED.

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Voice

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Voice

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Voice

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Voice

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Voice

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Voice > Text

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D --> You are a lunatic. They enacted no vile acts upon my person! They did not touch me at all!

how am i even a lunatic.
wait.
im a fucking professor you cant tell me that.
excuse you.
im just trying to help.
dont be such a shit.
now show me where it happened so i can help.

D --> I am sure that at least some of our faculty can be considered lunatics. You are now amongst them. They did nothing to me, why won't you understand that?

Simply tell me where I can find a surplus of towels, PLEASE.

IS YOUR ANUS DRIPPING THAT BADLY??

D --> No! Fudgesicles, It is not dripping at all!

I am simply covered in sweat from my excursion. It took much of my STRENGTH to find them and leave the forest without attracting unwanted attention.

I order you, stop being so 100d!

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plushaeusrumpified - 2012-07-02 06:20 (UTC) - Expand

how do i emulate sweaty writing what is this i dont even

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i'm sorry this is just the only thing that came to mind but at least bro could be concerned more?

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Text > Voice

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plushaeusrumpified - 2012-07-02 07:04 (UTC) - Expand

yeah right equius

strongjumps - 2012-07-02 20:18 (UTC) - Expand

Are you absolutely sure you're a professor?

are you sure youre not in detention for the first month of the new school year come september.

I'm fairly sure I'm not.
I probably would have been informed if I was.

Why do you ask?

because now you do.

If you don't mind my asking, why would I be given detention?
I don't think I've broken any rules recently.

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