dressrobes | IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

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IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

Character: Equius Zahhak
Canon: Homestuck
Mun: Phil
Plot Specific: Nope

D --> It is a truly depressing day. I have spent weeks researching and tracking the Centaurs of the Forbidden Forest. I went to great lengths to ensure that my little adventure would not result in punishment from the faculty. I braved the possibility of mortal danger, I risked life and limb, and for what?

To have my face spat upon both figuratively and literally by the very centaurs I sought. It was truly humiliating. I feel like the world's biggest fool.

I need a towel.

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whoa whoa whoa hold up there.
we cant rush this.
its important.
im concerned for your physical wellbeing.

[He pastes a picture of a smuppet onto the journal.]

show me where on the smuppet they touched you.

STRIDER!
HOW IS THAT APPROPRIATE FOR THE SITUATION?

[Granted there was never a class at the retreat called "Students, Centaurs and You".]

what?!
christ on a dick what is even your problem.
im just trying to help the kid through a tough time.
he went and got himelf banged by centaurs!
hes clearly in denial.
im just worried about him ok.

YOUR CONCERN IS GOOD, VERY GOOD.
I MEAN IT.
BUT THE SMUPPET IS A BIT MUCH.

but i dont have anything else anatomically correct.
so how the smuppet is necessary.

Edited 2012-07-02 06:18 (UTC)

JUST
OKAY.
FINE. I LEAVE THIS STUDENT IN YOUR CAPABLE HANDS.
GODSPEED.

yes good.
ill get this shit figured out.
and then you and me can go kick centaur ass.
im gonna get names and im gonna sketch faces.
then its me and you against the bastards.

YES.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.
WE'LL BE LIKE A BUDDY COP SHOW.
I'D LIKE TO BE THE GOOD COP.

[It's impossible to tell whether he's humoring him or not at this point.]

oh fuck yes.
i approve of this idea.
i was fucking born to be the bad cop you dont even know.
im excite.
i wish hed hurry up and give me the deets.
i mean i even have the handcuffs i am so prepared.

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...

I think you broke my husband.

whatcha talkin bout there pussy galore.

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D --> You are a lunatic. They enacted no vile acts upon my person! They did not touch me at all!

how am i even a lunatic.
wait.
im a fucking professor you cant tell me that.
excuse you.
im just trying to help.
dont be such a shit.
now show me where it happened so i can help.

D --> I am sure that at least some of our faculty can be considered lunatics. You are now amongst them. They did nothing to me, why won't you understand that?

Simply tell me where I can find a surplus of towels, PLEASE.

IS YOUR ANUS DRIPPING THAT BADLY??

D --> No! Fudgesicles, It is not dripping at all!

I am simply covered in sweat from my excursion. It took much of my STRENGTH to find them and leave the forest without attracting unwanted attention.

I order you, stop being so 100d!

youre sweating.
you need towels.
the logical conclusions are being drawn as we speak.

show me.
where.
on the smuppet.
they touched you.
this is for your own good.
badtouching is frowned upon.
we need to know so we can go kick their pedo asses.

D --> Your logic is extreme and incomprehensibly vile. I will have you know that I am reporting your dubious conduct to the head of my house.

And I will repeat this one more time. They did NOT touch me. Even had they done so, I doubt your ability to stand up to their STRENGTH. Their fl e x in g mu s cu la tu re glis ten ing in the moonlig ht

i n e e d a t o w e l

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plushaeusrumpified - 2012-07-02 06:45 (UTC) - Expand

i'm sorry this is just the only thing that came to mind but at least bro could be concerned more?

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plushaeusrumpified - 2012-07-02 07:04 (UTC) - Expand

yeah right equius

strongjumps - 2012-07-02 20:18 (UTC) - Expand

Are you absolutely sure you're a professor?

are you sure youre not in detention for the first month of the new school year come september.

I'm fairly sure I'm not.
I probably would have been informed if I was.

Why do you ask?

because now you do.

If you don't mind my asking, why would I be given detention?
I don't think I've broken any rules recently.

I don't think he deserves detention for a perfectly legitimate question, Strider.

m

y

o

b

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threadjacks with more eloquence

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