dressrobes | IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

Character: Equius Zahhak
Canon: Homestuck
Mun: Phil
Plot Specific: Nope

D --> It is a truly depressing day. I have spent weeks researching and tracking the Centaurs of the Forbidden Forest. I went to great lengths to ensure that my little adventure would not result in punishment from the faculty. I braved the possibility of mortal danger, I risked life and limb, and for what?

To have my face spat upon both figuratively and literally by the very centaurs I sought. It was truly humiliating. I feel like the world's biggest fool.

I need a towel.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

oh.
well i guess i didnt actually buy them for this kinda thing.
but they totally work for it.

[okay NOPE. BRAIN IS FLAT LINING.

THINGS HE NEVER NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT BRO'S LIFE FOR 500, ALEX.]

you there bro?
i mean your waifu said i broke you.
everything okay?
i didnt wanna believe her.
but the silence is deafening.
i need my good cop.
you cant just leave me hangin.
cmon bro.
snap out of it.

[We're sorry, the Vantas you are trying to reach is semi-comatose on his wife's lap. Please hang up and try your call again later.]

[He's clearing his voice loudly.]

Hey. Hey you. Snap the fuck out of it, I can't do this alone!

[There's a muffled groan. A response at least.]

D'you need donuts? Is that what this is about? I can get you donuts. I have a credit card right here in my hand. I will make dunkin donuts do a fucking delivery to your house.

D'you want jelly filled or just glazed?

[There's a pause...and then laughter. Low, slightly unhinged chuckles.]

Sure. Why the hell not. We're police buddies now.

[Okay. He got a response. He don't even curr that you didn't specify glazed or jelly filled. He will just get you a dozen of both. So yeah, you can have fun listening to him putting in an order for a total of two dozen donuts. And then he has to pause he phone conversation to ask,]

Hey bud, what's your addy?

[Through muffled cackles, Sal managed to mutter out his address. He has very little idea what's even going on right now. He really wants one of those donuts and a good stiff drink.

And he doesn't drink.]

[Bro goes back to the phone. Wait, hold on there's a little misunderstanding.]

You don't deliver? What the hell d'you mean you don't deliver- why'd you need an address then? No that's bullshit, for reference my ass.

If I paid extra, would you just fucking deliver?

[While he's doing that, Sal is going to roll off his lovely wife's lap and get a drink.

Have fun, Bro.]

[Bro finishes dealing with the assholes after a minute or two.]

Hey bro, I got good news. They're totally down for delivering. It just cost like, a few extra dollars. But it's no big deal. They should be there in like an hour or something, I don't know.

Hello?

Everything okay?

...Bro?

[Okay. Y'know, he can take a hint. But it's whatever. I mean it's not like he knows what he did or anything. He tried to make up for it. But apparently it was just that bad. Okay. Whatever. Just... whatever.]

donuts are on the way.
hope you like em.

-bro

[Ollies outie to go get a drink too.]

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IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

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