dressrobes | IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

IC Prospective: Equius Zahhak

Character: Equius Zahhak
Canon: Homestuck
Mun: Phil
Plot Specific: Nope

D --> It is a truly depressing day. I have spent weeks researching and tracking the Centaurs of the Forbidden Forest. I went to great lengths to ensure that my little adventure would not result in punishment from the faculty. I braved the possibility of mortal danger, I risked life and limb, and for what?

To have my face spat upon both figuratively and literally by the very centaurs I sought. It was truly humiliating. I feel like the world's biggest fool.

I need a towel.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

yes good.
ill get this shit figured out.
and then you and me can go kick centaur ass.
im gonna get names and im gonna sketch faces.
then its me and you against the bastards.

YES.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.
WE'LL BE LIKE A BUDDY COP SHOW.
I'D LIKE TO BE THE GOOD COP.

[It's impossible to tell whether he's humoring him or not at this point.]

oh fuck yes.
i approve of this idea.
i was fucking born to be the bad cop you dont even know.
im excite.
i wish hed hurry up and give me the deets.
i mean i even have the handcuffs i am so prepared.

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK WHY YOU HAVE THEM.

oh.
well i guess i didnt actually buy them for this kinda thing.
but they totally work for it.

[okay NOPE. BRAIN IS FLAT LINING.

THINGS HE NEVER NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT BRO'S LIFE FOR 500, ALEX.]

you there bro?
i mean your waifu said i broke you.
everything okay?
i didnt wanna believe her.
but the silence is deafening.
i need my good cop.
you cant just leave me hangin.
cmon bro.
snap out of it.

[We're sorry, the Vantas you are trying to reach is semi-comatose on his wife's lap. Please hang up and try your call again later.]

[He's clearing his voice loudly.]

Hey. Hey you. Snap the fuck out of it, I can't do this alone!

[There's a muffled groan. A response at least.]

D'you need donuts? Is that what this is about? I can get you donuts. I have a credit card right here in my hand. I will make dunkin donuts do a fucking delivery to your house.

D'you want jelly filled or just glazed?

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nosigntospeakof - 2012-07-02 07:58 (UTC) - Expand

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plushaeusrumpified - 2012-07-02 08:09 (UTC) - Expand

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nosigntospeakof - 2012-07-02 08:18 (UTC) - Expand

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plushaeusrumpified - 2012-07-02 08:21 (UTC) - Expand

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nosigntospeakof - 2012-07-02 08:24 (UTC) - Expand

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plushaeusrumpified - 2012-07-02 08:32 (UTC) - Expand

...

I think you broke my husband.

whatcha talkin bout there pussy galore.

You broke him Strider

He is laying on my lap. With this look I cannot describe. You broke him.

uh.
oops?
would it help if i said i didnt mean to.
or.
even knew how i did that.
because it was totes unintentional.

Just
letting you know

Also I'm putting a cat guard on you next year
They'll scratch you when you start doing stupid things

living up to your nickname of pussy galore i see.

but no seriously wtf.
i dont need cat babysitters.
its bad enough my nephew just got a little orange furball of his own.
i dont need yours.
and nothing i do is stupid thank you very much.

but no seriously whats wrong with your hubby.
i may or may not be a little concerned.
ironically speaking.

You break my husband
You play by my rules
And the rules are you may gain cat scratch fever next year

I assume you could just quote the song at students
None of them would get it

And I'm really not sure. I think you gave him more information than he could handle.

its not like i even meant to though.
christ.
but fine.
meow.

that would be just the most tragic of tragedies.
i dont think my heart could take it.
so im not even gonna sing it.

i still dont get it.