IC Prospective: Rose Lalonde (4th Year)

[seeringlight]

Character: Rose Lalonde
Canon: Homestuck
Mun: Kim
Plot specific: Naw

Ah, the smell of a new school year slowly approaching is refreshing. While I enjoyed my Holidays in Germany and getting my hands on whatever information my young, adolescent hands could get on, I am looking forward to the beginning of a splendid year.

I believe most of you have yet to do your Summer homework, as you are all prone to doing it last minute. I would like to encourage you to do it sooner than later.

No amount of begging and praise will get me to fork over my already finished homework, mind you. So you better start on it now if you expected me to be kind enough to let you take credit for my hardwork.

That being said, I would like to cordially invite my close acquaintances to our lovely abode for a party. While it was my wonderful and so graciously loving mother's idea, I thought it would actually be nice if we could all gather for a few days and enjoy ourselves before we jump back into our studies. Please respond in a timely manner so we may properly ready the fireplace and restock our Floo powder.

P.S. It was not funny to switch the cat litter with Floo Powder. I don't think you realized the severity of having to locate our cat. You know who you are.

Comments

[bev_rage]

rosie
hey rosie hey hey hey
roooooosiiiieeeee
dirk n i are brigning orgiva orgnania orangina

[seeringlight]

You do realize that the first "rosie" had my attention well enough. There was no need to accompany it with two more lines to get my attention.
You may bring what you like. Actually, I encourage you to do so. Who knows what mother may supply us with otherwise.

[bev_rage]

i was maknig sure i had ur atention
btw gina is dirks baby not a dirnk srry

[seeringlight]

You didn't give me time to reply before you decided to continue calling my name out.
This is why we have capitalization, Roxy. It avoids misconceptions such as this. And Dirk isn't capable of reproducing unless there's something I wasn't aware of, in which I would just like to point out that Dirk makes a horrendous woman.

drags in an on-going joke among the striders

[givesyouaboner]

Wow, rude.
Just so you know, I'm definitely a guy.
The most manliest of men, that is me right here.
24 cm and all.

kicks out of bed

[bev_rage]

lier liar

[givesyouaboner]

You haven't seen my wiener, Roxy.

[seeringlight]

Dirk, just because you have penis insecurities doesn't mean you can throw out such outrageous numbers.
At least try to be more convincing.
You are just painfully obvious when you pack.

[bev_rage]

BETER?
SHES HIS CAT, I GOT HER FOR HIM AS A PRESENT
lmao writig in all capitols is tiring

and yea, hed be the wrost woman

[seeringlight]

Now you're just being difficult. How on Earth do you get passable essays if you don't even know the basics of grammar?

I don't know him very well to judge. I assume he is a horrendous woman by default. I suppose that makes me rudely biased. I can't say I'm too apologetic over the matter.

[plushaeusrumpified]

'Atta girl, you fight them boys off your homework. But you better be fucking fighting them off your boobs just as hard, if not harder.

Actually, definitely harder. Everyone should just stay away from your boobs.

I do have a sword.

Basically what I'm saying is, you better not be having any beef sticks near your tuna taco.

Just keep all your food far, far away from each other.

[seeringlight]

It's too late.

I have been deflowered. I have forego my V-card. It was an amazing experience. We did it midair. An orgy in midair even. Why do you think I went to Germany? Surely you jest when you think I went for the history. Of course not. The Redlight District was beautiful. Next time, I hope to go to Holland so I may indulge.

I'm a ruined lady.

But the temptation was too much. Sex is exactly how I thought it would be like. How dare you keep such an enlightening experience away from me.

Did you actually come here to say something worth my time or are you here to try and embarrass me?

[plushaeusrumpified]

[... She's joking. She has to be joking. This is classic Lalonde snark. Right? Right. Yep.]

Ok.

I want names and I want addresses.

I'm cutting off their dicks. If you want them so much, I'll pickle them and put them in a jar. You can decorate your room with the severed schlongs of all those bastards.

[seeringlight]

[Don't feed the troll, Bro. DON'T DO IT.]

I wish I could give you them, but I was quite high and most possibly drunk when it happened. I did not even realize what I was getting myself into until I was stripping in top of a table. I believe one was named Morticia, but she definitely was packing something down there. Oh, did I mention? It wasn't just the men I got very well acquainted with. It would be rude of me to only swing for one team. It would be a disservice even. After all, tuna tacos sometimes enjoy the company of other tuna tacos.

You can give them to Dave. I'm not quite interested in keeping jars of strangely preserved things, sorry.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Rose stop.

I mean it's not like he's about to have a stroke or something, that would be silly.]

Alright. Ok. First let me just say I'm proud of you. You're following the Strider sex code, which is that you should never restrict yourself to one gender. It's just selfish to deprive a whole group of people like that. Good on you.

But oh my fucking god, I'm going to track them all down and murder them. Painfully. You ever seen the movie hostile? GPOY.

G. Fucking. POY.

I don't even know how the fuck to cut off and pickle a vag, but I'm gonna find out goddamn it.

[seeringlight]

[You make it to easy.]

I am a very open minded person. What would Morticia think if I judged her for wanting to have the ladies but still have Morticia Jr. Don't worry, I made sure everyone got quality Lalonde loving so to speak.

I hope you enjoy it there. Germany is a wonderful place and the sex is superb.

I might want those. I do enjoy my tuna tacos.

[moveslikejaeger]

whoa where was i for this that sounds like something i should have heard about

[seeringlight]

I paid a lot of money to keep it under wraps. I would hate for my lovely name to be tarnished by people undeserving of tarnishing my name.

Just the usual protocol.

[moveslikejaeger]

girl you have no idea what kind of tarnishing i would give you by the time im finished youd be so tarnished youd go right back to shining like new again

[seeringlight]

I'm shaking in my shoes as I reply to you. Oh dear me, how ever will I ever overcome this chapter of my life.

I've been caught. I'm only but a girl barely into her teenager years. I did not know any better.

[Except since this was all a fabrication to troll Bro, she isn't actually all that worried.]

[owdidntseethat]

Where did the cat end up?

[seeringlight]

I really rather not say.
It was a dreadful experience I'd rather put behind myself. I will leave it at, my cat wasn't exactly within the country.

[owdidntseethat]

I splinched myself once, it sounds as bad as your cat situation.

[seeringlight]

We can both mutually agree that sometimes magic is not as banged up as we all like to think it is unfortunately.
Rest assured, that my cat is safely back home and that I hope you are no longer splinched, as that sounds dreadfully uncomfortable.

[owdidntseethat]

I'm one piece again. It's never fun to leave your hand in a pub in Ireland.