IC Prospective: Rose Lalonde (4th Year)

[seeringlight]

Character: Rose Lalonde
Canon: Homestuck
Mun: Kim
Plot specific: Naw

Ah, the smell of a new school year slowly approaching is refreshing. While I enjoyed my Holidays in Germany and getting my hands on whatever information my young, adolescent hands could get on, I am looking forward to the beginning of a splendid year.

I believe most of you have yet to do your Summer homework, as you are all prone to doing it last minute. I would like to encourage you to do it sooner than later.

No amount of begging and praise will get me to fork over my already finished homework, mind you. So you better start on it now if you expected me to be kind enough to let you take credit for my hardwork.

That being said, I would like to cordially invite my close acquaintances to our lovely abode for a party. While it was my wonderful and so graciously loving mother's idea, I thought it would actually be nice if we could all gather for a few days and enjoy ourselves before we jump back into our studies. Please respond in a timely manner so we may properly ready the fireplace and restock our Floo powder.

P.S. It was not funny to switch the cat litter with Floo Powder. I don't think you realized the severity of having to locate our cat. You know who you are.

Comments

[bev_rage]

rosie
hey rosie hey hey hey
roooooosiiiieeeee
dirk n i are brigning orgiva orgnania orangina

[seeringlight]

You do realize that the first "rosie" had my attention well enough. There was no need to accompany it with two more lines to get my attention.
You may bring what you like. Actually, I encourage you to do so. Who knows what mother may supply us with otherwise.

[bev_rage]

i was maknig sure i had ur atention
btw gina is dirks baby not a dirnk srry

[seeringlight]

You didn't give me time to reply before you decided to continue calling my name out.
This is why we have capitalization, Roxy. It avoids misconceptions such as this. And Dirk isn't capable of reproducing unless there's something I wasn't aware of, in which I would just like to point out that Dirk makes a horrendous woman.

[plushaeusrumpified]

'Atta girl, you fight them boys off your homework. But you better be fucking fighting them off your boobs just as hard, if not harder.

Actually, definitely harder. Everyone should just stay away from your boobs.

I do have a sword.

Basically what I'm saying is, you better not be having any beef sticks near your tuna taco.

Just keep all your food far, far away from each other.

[seeringlight]

It's too late.

I have been deflowered. I have forego my V-card. It was an amazing experience. We did it midair. An orgy in midair even. Why do you think I went to Germany? Surely you jest when you think I went for the history. Of course not. The Redlight District was beautiful. Next time, I hope to go to Holland so I may indulge.

I'm a ruined lady.

But the temptation was too much. Sex is exactly how I thought it would be like. How dare you keep such an enlightening experience away from me.

Did you actually come here to say something worth my time or are you here to try and embarrass me?

[plushaeusrumpified]

[... She's joking. She has to be joking. This is classic Lalonde snark. Right? Right. Yep.]

Ok.

I want names and I want addresses.

I'm cutting off their dicks. If you want them so much, I'll pickle them and put them in a jar. You can decorate your room with the severed schlongs of all those bastards.

drags in an on-going joke among the striders

[givesyouaboner]

Wow, rude.
Just so you know, I'm definitely a guy.
The most manliest of men, that is me right here.
24 cm and all.

[seeringlight]

[Don't feed the troll, Bro. DON'T DO IT.]

I wish I could give you them, but I was quite high and most possibly drunk when it happened. I did not even realize what I was getting myself into until I was stripping in top of a table. I believe one was named Morticia, but she definitely was packing something down there. Oh, did I mention? It wasn't just the men I got very well acquainted with. It would be rude of me to only swing for one team. It would be a disservice even. After all, tuna tacos sometimes enjoy the company of other tuna tacos.

You can give them to Dave. I'm not quite interested in keeping jars of strangely preserved things, sorry.

kicks out of bed

[bev_rage]

lier liar

[seeringlight]

Dirk, just because you have penis insecurities doesn't mean you can throw out such outrageous numbers.
At least try to be more convincing.
You are just painfully obvious when you pack.

[givesyouaboner]

You haven't seen my wiener, Roxy.

[seeringlight]

Your porn star name is obvious.
Dirk, if you needed money, you could have just asked. You didn't need to sell yourself in such an obtuse manner. We still care for you though, despite your occupation.

[givesyouaboner]

There's nothing for me to be insecure about.
I'm a gentleman so I hide it. That sort of thing isn't for everyone to see.

[seeringlight]

Ah, yes, this brand of denial feels so familiar.
If it makes you feel any better, I will proceed to play dumb. Of course you're not insecure. How dare I insinuate otherwise! You are just being modest with the size of your penis.

[bev_rage]

BETER?
SHES HIS CAT, I GOT HER FOR HIM AS A PRESENT
lmao writig in all capitols is tiring

and yea, hed be the wrost woman

[givesyouaboner]

W h a t e v e r.
Qurl, I'm loaded. I don't need anyone's money.
Everything I do is because I'm a fucking pro.
Bitches line up to get a taste of this.

_{[Guess what? He doesn't really know what he's talking about.]}

[seeringlight]

Now you're just being difficult. How on Earth do you get passable essays if you don't even know the basics of grammar?

I don't know him very well to judge. I assume he is a horrendous woman by default. I suppose that makes me rudely biased. I can't say I'm too apologetic over the matter.

[bev_rage]

yea i have
u got my pjs preggers

[givesyouaboner]

Yes, exactly.
You can drop that condescending air, though.
You don't know what it's like to glance down at your boner and get poked in your eye.

[seeringlight]

I hope you meant "Gurl" as oppose to "Qurl" when you wrote that.
Not that it makes a difference since they are both not words by technicality.
Do you have any idea what you're saying?

[seeringlight]

How dreadful! Never knowing what it's like to be a man who is well endowed.
How close minded I was! Do not fret though. I have seen the light. You have opened my eyes to the grievances of having a third leg.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Rose stop.

I mean it's not like he's about to have a stroke or something, that would be silly.]

Alright. Ok. First let me just say I'm proud of you. You're following the Strider sex code, which is that you should never restrict yourself to one gender. It's just selfish to deprive a whole group of people like that. Good on you.

But oh my fucking god, I'm going to track them all down and murder them. Painfully. You ever seen the movie hostile? GPOY.

G. Fucking. POY.

I don't even know how the fuck to cut off and pickle a vag, but I'm gonna find out goddamn it.

[givesyouaboner]

You were sleeping. You didn't see it.

[givesyouaboner]

I know exactly what I'm saying.
Do you need to be schooled in the ways of the know-how?
Too bad; you're lacking certain credentials for that to even be a thing.