dressrobes | IC Prospective: Rose Lalonde (4th Year)

Character: Rose Lalonde
Canon: Homestuck
Mun: Kim
Plot specific: Naw

Ah, the smell of a new school year slowly approaching is refreshing. While I enjoyed my Holidays in Germany and getting my hands on whatever information my young, adolescent hands could get on, I am looking forward to the beginning of a splendid year.

I believe most of you have yet to do your Summer homework, as you are all prone to doing it last minute. I would like to encourage you to do it sooner than later.

No amount of begging and praise will get me to fork over my already finished homework, mind you. So you better start on it now if you expected me to be kind enough to let you take credit for my hardwork.

That being said, I would like to cordially invite my close acquaintances to our lovely abode for a party. While it was my wonderful and so graciously loving mother's idea, I thought it would actually be nice if we could all gather for a few days and enjoy ourselves before we jump back into our studies. Please respond in a timely manner so we may properly ready the fireplace and restock our Floo powder.

P.S. It was not funny to switch the cat litter with Floo Powder. I don't think you realized the severity of having to locate our cat. You know who you are.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Don't feed the troll, Bro. DON'T DO IT.]

I wish I could give you them, but I was quite high and most possibly drunk when it happened. I did not even realize what I was getting myself into until I was stripping in top of a table. I believe one was named Morticia, but she definitely was packing something down there. Oh, did I mention? It wasn't just the men I got very well acquainted with. It would be rude of me to only swing for one team. It would be a disservice even. After all, tuna tacos sometimes enjoy the company of other tuna tacos.

You can give them to Dave. I'm not quite interested in keeping jars of strangely preserved things, sorry.

[Rose stop.

I mean it's not like he's about to have a stroke or something, that would be silly.]

Alright. Ok. First let me just say I'm proud of you. You're following the Strider sex code, which is that you should never restrict yourself to one gender. It's just selfish to deprive a whole group of people like that. Good on you.

But oh my fucking god, I'm going to track them all down and murder them. Painfully. You ever seen the movie hostile? GPOY.

G. Fucking. POY.

I don't even know how the fuck to cut off and pickle a vag, but I'm gonna find out goddamn it.

[You make it to easy.]

I am a very open minded person. What would Morticia think if I judged her for wanting to have the ladies but still have Morticia Jr. Don't worry, I made sure everyone got quality Lalonde loving so to speak.

I hope you enjoy it there. Germany is a wonderful place and the sex is superb.

I might want those. I do enjoy my tuna tacos.

Yeah, yeah, good job, proud of you, etc.

I'm not having sex in Germany. Neither are you. I'm banning you from travelling. You're not allowed to leave the country. Or your room. I'm sending a smuppet to babysit you, even.

Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?

Been there, done that. I think you missed the part where I so obviously said I had quite a lot of sex while in Germany. My grand tour of sexual intercourse has barely started. I'm running away from home for it. How dare you oppress me! I do what I want!

What can I say. I like the ladies. ;)

[Bro. Please. Stop giving her material to work with.]

Ok. Let me just say congratulations on being gay. That is okay. Being gay is okay. I think there's even a song about it. I don't know, I don't watch any fucking musicals.

Y'know in fact, I approve of this so hard. You can't get pregnant. THe more I think about it, the more I just approve even harder.

Be a lesbian. Be a huuuuuge fucking lesbian, I don't even care. Go eat all of the tuna tacos your heart desires. As long as you stay away from the meat rods, I don't give a fuck.

But I'm telling your mother about all those dicks. I think she needs to know what you've been doing with your life up until you discovered your beautiful, safe, un-knocked-up lesbianism.

I already have ten girlfriends. I'm on a roll.

You tell my mother anything and I will have to skewer you with my wand. The Ministry of Magic would have to apprehend me and whisk me off to Azkaban for the gruesome offense I conducted to repay you for uttering even a whisper to her.

Too late, I took a picture of this conversation and I'm writing her a letter as we speak.

I'm already at a Muggle airport on a one way trip to the States.

I already wrote her a letter. It was only written in my best cursive and my most expensive stationery. You were too slow.

Too late, I just called and tipped them off about a bomb. Airport's closed.

I'll just intercept it and give it my own letter. Or we could see whose owl is faster. Spoiler: It's mine.

It seems as though I will have to take my chances with broomstick over the Pacific. If I drown, it's your fault.

I think you forget where I tend to live a good portion of the time. It couldn't be with my drunkard of a mother. But to keep up this facade, my owl ate yours. Too bad.

If you know how to handle a broom, death won't happen. If you die, I'm revoking your broom privileges

Roxanne does not have a drinking problem, Rose. Stop over dramatizing things. She drinks socially! It does wonders for her social skills. It's like one big sentence enhancer. Not that she even really needs it, but still. You get my point.

She can quit any time she wants to, even though she doesn't need to. I mean, fuck. You make it sound like she's an alcoholic. She's not an alcoholic. It's actually kind of shitty for you to imply that she is, because now people are going to think things.

So for anyone eavesdropping on this thing, ROXANNE LALONDE IS NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. Rose is just being dramatic. Move along.

You can't revoke my broom privileges if I'm dead.

She's a drunk. A drunkard. An alcoholic. My home life is a wreck. Nothing is going right. How dare you lie about my abusive home life. You aren't me. You don't understand!

Have I covered everything? I'm not quite sure if I'm playing victim enough and acting like the privileged growing teenager I should be.

That aside, do you really have to go through the notions of saying that? Your denial makes her look worst to be honest so I'm going to have to tell you to stop before you ruin my mother's name with your slander.

[Rose showing her love for her mother is very...unique.]

IC Prospective: Rose Lalonde (4th Year)

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