IC Prospective: Transfiguration Teacher

[conbat]

Character: Conrad Achenleck
Mun: Kim
Plot specific: Naw

Whoever fucking thought that it would be cute to replace my teacup with one of those disgusting Zonko trick ones, you better return my shit cup right now. This isn't even funny anymore.

I can tell a lot of you are slipping in your Transfiguration homework. I'm either going to assign more or you better start performing better in classes. We're slowly transitioning from less complex objects to living creatures. Your cups with rat tails aren't exactly satisfactory. Nor are the furry teacups. Unless you're aiming to be the next Oppenheim I would recommend you trying a little harder.

If you have any problems, the point of me being around is to help with those. Fucking Christ. Shit.

Comments

[plushaeusrumpified]

Looks like somebody has a potty mouth.

[conbat]

Sod off! I'm working on it so you can take your condescending crap and shove it. It's not like you can speak in terms of being a perfect little fucking angel.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Wow, excuse you? You don't know me. I AM a perfect little angel. I haven't uttered a single curse word in my life.

Seriously bro, how did you even get hired?

[conbat]

Wow, you're actually a load of shit aren't you. This conversation is a load of crap like you.

My outstanding transfiguration skills you nimrod. That's how you get hired. You usually have excellent skills in the department you're teaching so they want you to teach because of it.

[ticktockticktock]

Far from me to insinuate anything, but have you perhaps noticed the common factor among your students?

[conbat]

I have plenty of students who actually get above satisfactory marks. Just the majority seem to be slipping. We're supposed to be encouraging them to work better god damn it. Shit.

[ticktockticktock]

Perhaps if you watched your language they might start taking you seriously.

[conbat]

I'm working on it!!! You don't have to tell me what I already know!

[ticktockticktock]

I'm certain you're doing your absolute best. The results are already showing.

[conbat]

FU- GOD DAM- SH-

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[GIANT SCRIBBLING HERE.]

[filtered]

[marshall_lee]

If you were actually alive I'd worry about you having a brain aneurism.

[filtered]

[conbat]

Hahaha real funny. Whoever thought getting turned was something worth romanticizing needs to get punched in the face. Muggles don't even realize the load of trash they're reading.

[filtered]

[marshall_lee]

Oh, I agree completely. They kinda tend to forget about the whole needing-to-drink blood thing.

Lucky us being able to curb bloodlust with a potion.

[filtered]

[conbat]

That's because they think this shit is so romantic or something. Because someone shoving his teeth into your neck is the most attractive thing.

I don't think I could ever do that even without the potion.

[filtered]

[marshall_lee]

Hey now, a little necking during sexy time can be fun for both parties. Just..don't actually bite them you know?

Oh, you mean you've never fed off of a live person before? Lucky you.

[filtered]

[conbat]

It's gross. [Also, Conrad is probably like the oldest virgin ever. Not that he cares.]

It's more like I refused too so we had to find different means for me.

[strongestoftheturks]

Do you offer extra classes, professor?

[conbat]

Whenever I don't have another class, I'm available for private lessons. If that's what you're asking for. But yes, if you need extra help, I'm more than available to do so.

[strongestoftheturks]

If it's not too much trouble, sir.

[conbat]

It isn't any trouble. It's my job to help you all out so you understand your schoolwork. Just tell me what days and times you're available and I can set something up around my classes for you.

[strongestoftheturks]

Thanks.

I'm free every weekday after classes. I can do weekends as well.

[nunganunga_k_o]

But Professor, does anyone really need a rat to be a cup? Ever? I am not taking tea from anything that used to be in the sewers.

[conbat]

No. But it's to help you learn how to transfigure things that might actually be helpful when you leave school. This is just a viable option that makes it easier on you to learn the same skills that you can use for more useful options.

I'm sure you wouldn't want to potentially fu screw up something you hold more dear to you.

[nunganunga_k_o]

What are the chances that after I'll leave school, I'll desperately need to have tea time and I'll find a family of voles or whatever and go, "Oh, smashing, now all I need is biscuits, pip pip cheerio"?

I know you are expecting other situations, but this is the reality of what you are teaching.

[conbat]

If you like, I can switch your assignments specifically to reflect more on what you might use in the world out there. Or we can have you start transfiguring your pet if you have one.

If you can't properly transfigure a rat into a tea cup, there's no way we can start on vanishing spells. This takes building up, and while actually turning a rat into a cup isn't something important. But anyone who couldn't do it won't really be expected to morph their own heads into, let's say, a shark. Maybe that's something out of the blue, but what if your only chance of escape were to go underwater? Maybe you're lucky and are adept with the bubblehead charm and you don't need to transfigure yourself, but it's a situation you don't want to trap yourself into if you can't do it.

Risking students into performing those kind of things defeats the purpose of a safe, learning environment.